Zach and Ethan have very different personalities the only commonalities are that they both like books, trains, Legos, and enjoy getting each other in trouble and or testing one another's pain tolerance.
The above picture is a classic representation of their relationship. Ethan is trying to de-pants Zach during present opening on Christmas morning. Dad is trying to stop it.
In our new home the only good "time out place" is their bedroom. Often they are sent there together and soon are playing nicely....but not always. I am always looking for ways to diffuse situations between them without getting myself worked up. I have found that many of the so called best child rearing tips generally back fire on me. Such as
"Positive Reinforcement"
Often when I comment on how well they are sharing or speaking kindly it flips a switch in them and they begin to punch and fight. As if they suddenly remember 'Oh yeah, we're enemies'.
"Unity in the Home"
Last Friday at church we discussed Pres. Eyring's talk on Unity. We discussed how if people are speaking poorly about another it only takes one person to make a nice comment about them and that pretty much shuts down the gossip, etc. I thought how can I apply this at home. So immediately after church when the boys started harassing each other and then the pushing started, I broke it up, had them apologize and then say something they loved about one another. They instantly said something nice and they both went off happy together. Lo and behold it worked. Until that evening. Zach came up and just punched Ethan out of nowhere. When asking why he did that his response was, "I just wanted to tell Ethan something I loved about him."
Actually, we have been using this latest technique for a couple of days and it does resolve things quicker. Now when I break up the fights, they both stop and say something they love about one another. They are not very original it is now the same thing..."I love how you help me destroy my Legos when I'm done."
Thanks for the laugh Michelle. Isn't parenting grand? Love ya!
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading your blog very much. It sounds like you are having a great time over there in Saudi. And, yeah, parenting is a blast and fodder for many many blogs.
This one reminded me of when I was raising four little boys (with a couple of sweet girls inserted here and there). The boys were like puppy dogs. Not only did they smell like puppy dogs most of the time, their behavior was just like them...lots of wrestling and snarling with a few moments of peace in between.
Later on when they become teens and young men they get into the "chest pounding" and the "I can do anything better than you" attitude to show who is top of the heap in this, that and everything. As a woman and the mother it is quite amazing to watch and try to understand. I finally gave up on understanding and just realized that is what boys do.
And then finally they become wonderful friends who are loving and respectful to their mother and father and good friends with their brothers. But to this point they still haven't gotten over that masculine competitive trait. I doubt they ever will. It is what makes men tick and the world go round. Just enjoy and laugh or your teeth will be ground off to nubs.