Table Manners

Teaching our boys proper table manners is an ongoing process. Over the years we have addressed the following concerns:

• It is not okay to throw plates, cups, or silverware at the table, or anyone sitting at or around the table.
• It is not okay to tip over full drink glasses for fun.
• No banging silverware on the table. After Ethan took a chunk of glass out of our last table, we decided to get one that looked a little more distressed. The boys keep asking why the table already has marks in it. Presumably they are upset they didn't personally get to put them there.
• Shirts are NOT napkins.
• Belching accidentally happens, but the extended, full abdominal push ones are not polite, and "excuse me" doesn't counterbalance the grossness.
• It is not necessary to cry, fuss, and whine for 30 minutes before even trying a bite of dinner and deciding you do indeed like it.
• Climbing on the table is not considered dinner entertainment.
• Prayer must be said before the meal is consumed.
• Taking bites out of others' food (i.e. a sandwich) and then eating your own lunch is not okay.
• Licking the salt shaker top is not hygienic.
• Butter is not a main course.
• Dessert, such as this, is not offered to those who do not finish their meal.

But tonight Zach reached a whole new level of uncouthness at the table. After finishing his meal, he stood on his chair and began to pull both his pants and underwear down for inspection. As the rest of us are still eating, Chris and I choke out "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" His response was that he was checking for liquid gas. We pleaded with him to pull his pants back up and tried to help him understand that you never say things like that at the table, because it's no one's business to know, and if you need to check then just please excuse yourself and do so. Within seconds he hops down and says, "excuse me, I have to check my business."

About five minutes later, just as the rest of us are finishing up, he comes prancing down the hall in a t-shirt and, completely bare bummed, asks everyone to check out his new tail. He had stuck toilet paper in his bum crack and had a long line of it trailing behind him. We gave those parental THAT IS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE LOOKS AND COMMENTS as we were trying really hard to stifle the laughs.